jeff Funny Status Messages

   I always feel like a domestic God after watching Hoarders.

   So did anyone ever end up getting Jay-Z a what what?

   Cancel my subscription....I am done with your issues!

   Senior Campbells Soup with.....NEW... larger type alphabet soup letters.

   A man gets on a plane with 6 kids. The flight attendant asks, "Are these your kids?" The man replies, "No, I work for Trojan and these are customer complaints!"

   Cremation..........think outside the box

   Man who sneezes without tissue takes matters into own hands.

   I knew Brett Favre was in for a long year when he threw that interception in the Wrangler commercial.

   Blind hookers...ya gotta hand it to em!

   If whiskey makes you frisky and gin makes you grin, what makes you pregnant? (Two highballs and a Squirt)

   The movie "The Social Network" about facebook earned 9 million dollars in sales Friday night to top all movies. Imagine what they could have done if those veiwers had dates!

   Last night went to a corn maze for the first time ever! It was aMAZEing. I thought it would be CORNy, but we had so much fun. They did have a few STALKers, don't worry, I was all EARS. Had a blast!

   I think I see a light at the end of the tunnel...Just hopeing it's my friends with a 2 million watt spotlight and not a train....

   Whew, I wasn't aware pumpkin carving was that much work. Whatever happened to a couple eyes, a nose and a mouth?

   Jerry springer say's, "The difference between his guests and politicians are the number of their teeth."

   When I was a kid people who wore there hat crooked, pants half off, and shoes untied rode the short bus!

   there has to be a woman out there thinking to herself right now..." man I wish someone would pick me up like a bowling ball"

   In this kind of weather I expected to see more boobs hanging out.

   excuse me ma'am, how many ping pong balls can you fit in your mouth?

   the pill...... the second best thing a woman can put in her mouth to avoid pregnancy