indy dave Funny Status Messages

   I don't know if anyone ever does anything as much as LL Cool J licks his lips.

   I think the Oscars would be a lot more interesting if they had a "Best Nip Slip" category... or "Best Back Burger."

   So I am making a bean/corn salad/salsa recipe and it askes for ground cummin. I'm like... uh, eww and then I'm like well I have it and it's free but exactly how do you grind it?

   Fort Hood suffers tradegy again. Perhaps they should change it to Fort Suburbs.

   I just had to cancel my Christian Mingle account... they found out I was on JDate.

   I have a feeling that if I were _______ my wife would play with my pen1s a lot more...

   I don't want to brag but I was the best Nintendo game blower in history.

   I wish Twitter would stop recommending that I follow "One Direction." Do they think I wear capri pants or something?

   Bruce and Kris Jenner officially file for divorce today. Or as most see it, the next step in Bruce's sex change. He is probably already wearing capri pants by now.

   Well as tomorrow approaches, November 1st. I can start growing my taint hair for "No Shave November." Will you notice?

   Pro life tip:I've found the best way to avoid my life ending from a police officer is to not break the law.If I do break the law, then I comply with their authority.If I do not agree with their authority I surrender and allow due process with an attorney.

   Taken 27 coming to theaters in January 2029.

   If I win the Powerball, I'm gonna buy Bruce Jenner and turn him back into a man. Just for fun.