hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   When everything else fails... you always have delusion.

   If I was a ghost on "Ghost Whisperer" the first thing I would ask Jennifer Love Hewitt is "are those real?".

   When someone says, "I think of you as family," I assume they're gonna scream at me for something that happened 15 years ago.

   Just found out "Groupons" are just coupons for Grey Poupon. If you try to redeem them for anything else at Walmart you will be arrested.

   If I were a Kardashian, I would be Kikoo the developmentally disabled one who lives in the pool house and makes designer drool bibs.

   If friends could be bought at the store, I'd have gotten a good deal on mine, because those “slightly irregular” bins are always discounted

   Money doesn't buy you happiness is just a saying rich people made up to prevent poor people from wanting to rob them.

   You never see the GEICO Gecko driving a car in any of those commercials. I find that suspicious..

   My mind and my body are starting to strongly disagree about how old I am.

   People would probably piss me off a lot less if I was allowed to drive a tank.

   If people can now use pepper spray to get the last piece of junk at Walmart, then I'm going to start using it for unwanted meeting requests.

   Don't base your decisions on the advice of people who don't have to deal with the results.

   If you and your best friend don't have at least one night in your past that you vow to never discuss, you're not best friends.

   Whenever I set the voice on my GPS to 'Bon Jovi' it just keeps telling me "We're half way there".

   To get back at the boss for no Christmas bonus, my goal is to rub my balls on everything in his office by New Years. Luckily I started in June.

   I dropped my laptop in the ocean, So now theres a dell rolling in the deep.

   Being single is great! Except for the paying for everything yourself part.

   Life is a comedy for those who think, a tragedy for those who feel, and a pie eating contest for me.

   Sure it looks like an innocent candy cane now, but give me 5-7 minutes and it'll be a dagger I can take out my enemies with.

   I guess my main gifts are in the garage or still at the pet store or something. This is the only rational explanation I can think of.