gil Funny Status Messages

   more kisses begin with Budweiser or good weed than Kay

   The Easter Bunny just left me a bunch of tiny brown chocolate eggs. Can't wait to eat them. Yummy!

   On this day, 25 years ago, Geraldo Rivera opened Al Capone's vault. WTF is he still working?

   Don't cops have something better to do than arrest non-violent casual Marijuana smokers?

   Just think how interesting facebook would be if there was a "cheating on spouse with _______" relationship status

   Twitter was invented to teach women how to communicate silently in 140 characters or less.

   Now accepting applications for FWB. Several positions open. Please email me photos and resume.

   Breaking News: Barack Obama to deliver his re-election victory speech tomorrow....

   "After seeing Kate and William getting married and the Pope's beatification this weekend, my life is complete. I don't care if I die tomorrow" - Osama Bin Laden

   ‎"It's God's job to forgive Bin Laden. It was our job to arrange the meeting." - United States Navy SEALS

   ‎"There goes the neighborhood" - Spongebob Squarepants

   If anyone believes Osama Bin Laden was really buried at sea, I have a bridge in New York I want to sell you.

   Jell-O: Doubling the global demand for supply of Vodka since 1923

   To show my support for all the democracy protesters in the Middle East, I am shaving my balls today(They were getting hairy and I needed an excuse)

   I listed the Federal Government as a dependent on my taxes this year

   Dear John Edwards, Thank-you, Thank-you, Thank-you!, Sincerely, Anthony Weiner

   I was walking down the street and saw my Arab friend shaking a rug on his porch. I shouted out to him "What's wrong Ahmed, won't start?"

   Bill and Ted wrote the best bible when they said "Be excellent to each other". no other commandments or words of wisdom needed.

   Casey Anthony trial ends today. Roger Clemens trial begins today. Coincidence?.... I think not.

   "I'd like to thank my celebrity life-coaches Mel Gibson, Charlie Sheen, Nicholas Cage, Wesley Snipes, & Nick Nolte for the overwhelming positive effect they've had on my recent life."