gay jeffery Funny Status Messages

   If women want to be treated as equals to men, we're going to need to start seeing a lot more deadbeat moms and manizers.

   “Get off my balcony!!” — What my neighbor used to say to pigeons. Sometimes to me.

   I fingered you in 8th grade. I don't want to have a 15 minute conversation with you and your husband at Best Buy.

   I learned all my fighting moves from mortalkombat basically it's just me jumping and somersaulting until the other person gets tired&leaves

   Best magic trick I ever pulled was making a house a boat and two motorcycles disappear into bag of cocaine.

   My dream job would be taking a baseball bat to the knees of anyone parked in a handicapped spot who shouldn't be

   To save time on playing board games in my family, dad would take the game out of the box and go directly to the throwing it at the wall part

   it offensive to bring your own chair to someone's apartment?

   I just spent an hour chasing a rabbit trying to take a picture of it. What has instagram done to me?.

   "Please die please die" - when I see someone I know walking towards me to say Hi

   I wrote a book called "How to pick up girls." Page 1 says "Maybe buy a motorcycle? I dunno?" The rest is just pictures of dudes

   Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver.

   Whenever I'm smoking in an open space and someone starts coughing like a b1tch, I throw a teargas canister at them and run.

   My neighbor called the cops because he thought I was screaming in pain when in fact I was just singing in the shower.

   I keep a jar labelled "HIV Virus" in my jacket so when someone tries to fight me, I show it to them and throw it at their feet and run.

   It was all good at the HS reunion party until I laughed too hard my gun fell out of my pocket.

   When somebody tells me to relax, I immediately do.-nobody ever

   I'm sorry, I thought you said you wanted multiple organisms. I'll return the petri dishes back to the lab.

   "LMAO!!" - Magneto, when he was confronted by Iron Man.

   Whenever a woman says "I want to show you something", I always reply "Okay!" in as fast as 0.03475 secs.