flipphonescott Funny Status Messages

   When gas stations start charging for air--that's inflation

   "As an alternative to dieting, I'm going to simply refer to myself as "value-sized"."

   "I love to cook with wine, sometimes I even put it in the food."

   "Dear life, When I said "can my day get any worse?" it was a rhetorical question, not a challenge."

   I hate waiting in lines. I wish this lady would hurry up and pick a suspect already."

   FREEBIRD! (When you purchase a bird of equal or lesser value.)

   "My alarm clock probably thinks I have anger-management issues."

   marry the 1st girl who unhooks it for you! She hates to see you struggle

   has no problem GETTING it together, I just can't KEEP it together

   I'm single by choice. Not MY choice, but it's still a choice.

   any body else going to grab a six pack order a pizza and watch the GOP convention?

   for fun put some pop rocks in the cats litter pan

   It's hard to write a good drinking song. I can never make it past the first few bars.

   Money can't buy happiness, but somehow it's a lot better to cry in a Mercedes than it is to cry on a bike...

   I'm no grammar Nazi, but I hate when a girl's period comes late

   have you ever logged on to do a 5 min project on-line and 3 hours later you are kinda suicidal ?

   that was good I walked into walmart and walkout pissed off and a headache in under 2 mins. is it wrong to want to flip off the golden girl at the front door when she says have a nice day

   looking for a female that will go down on me as much as dish network does!

   Colorado Legalizes Marijuana and peyton manning buys 20 papa johns stores in Colorado! some people just get it!

   Bed good outside bad!