equaloppjoker Funny Status Messages

   Stop undressing me with your eyes...use your teeth

   it's ok if you disagree with me, I can't force you to be right.

   I could eat a bowl of Alphabet soup and poop out a better arguement!

   I love spending money as much as my government does.

   If you were dying of thirst in the desert, I wouldn't let you drink my urine.

   You're exceeding the limits of my medication. Please go away.

   I don't like morning people...or mornings...or people.

   People make me itch!

   Your dirtier than my browsers history!

   Just made a dentist appt to have my eyes checked. I can't hear a thing.

   I will not sleep until I find a cure for my insomnia.

   Childbirth...So easy even a woman can do it!

   I shot an Elephant in my pajamas.... How he got in my pajamas i'll never know.

   Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last as long for fat people!

   I wish Taylor Swift would write a song called "Maybe I'm the Problem"

   My boss asked me today which one of us was the stupid one. I told him everyone knows that you dont hire stupid people.

   Jesus paid for your sins. Make sure he gets his moneys worth!

   It gives me collywobbles to admit this but most of what I post is purely flibbertigibbet. It's not that I think you to be a gobemouche, i'm just a pettifogger and a slangwanger. I'm not a snollygoster, I just love to bloviate. Thanks for understanding!

   "i would do anything for love, but I won't do that...or that, or that, or that, or that, or that"

   My girlfriend left a note on the fridge, "It's not working. I cant take it anymore, I'm going to moms" I opened the fridge, the light came on, the beer was cold, WTF is she talking about?