ef Funny Status Messages

   Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I've been to today that's had "insufficient funds".

   Parenting gets a lot harder when you can no longer say "I'm calling Santa!"

   My girlfriend wants to get married. I hope she finds someone nice.

   You call the shots. I'll drink them.

   I don't care how the future pans out, any amazon delivery from now on is referred to as a drone strike.

   You ever notice that the people with the most insecurities are the loudest?

   I gave my wife a couple of credit cards and now my credit score is lower than the speed limit

   Okay can we only go through one day of Mandela jokes instead of the 3 days of Paul Walker????? Thanks!

   I ''unfriend" you on Facebook when your Birthday Reminder comes up and I realize I don't interact with you ever....

   Dear Santa: This year I would like a "Bailout and a Bonus."..."Yes, I know I have been really bad, spent my money frivolously ,even did some illegal things and therefore I think I deserve it."----The Government

   Neil Armstrong was the first "Human Being" to step foot on the moon. Did you know that Neil A. backwards spells "Alien"

   What this generation of young men need to realize is that the word "Man" is in Manners....

   I'm pretty sure today is one of my family members birthday..... I should probably "unblock" them and check.

   Most meteorologists are men. That's why when they say you're going to get 8-12 inches of snow, you really only end up getting 4-6 inches.

   I think I'll go shovel the "Global Warming" out of the driveway!

   Kanye West compared being a rapper to BEING AT WAR ."This is like being a police officer or something or like war or something." "You're literally going out to do your job every day knowing that something could happen to you.".No Kanye being an idiot is!

   Antarctica wind chill today -135 below. Al Gore refuses to comment

   You ever think that just possibly these milk, bread and toilet paper companies are behind these overestimated, hysteria causing weather reports????

   Kanye West "Kim fought for her position in society".....Wait Kanye, didn't she obtain her fame because of a video, in the bent over "position?"

   I just saw 3 Angels walk down a runway wearing thongs...oh sorry it's just The VIctoria Secret Fashion Show