cpaman Funny Status Messages

   Note to self: Do NOT fly Malaysian Airlines.

   Wasn't Al Bundy's toilet also named Ferguson?

   Sending troops to Liberia to fight Ebola? Are they going to shoot at it?

   Oh My God Becky

   Nice try Sonic but I'm sure that the dude in the commercial isn't really trying to impress the ladies

   Wouldn't the halftime show have been better if the sharks had frickin' laser beams attached to their heads?

   Cheer up LeBron. You did win the MVP after all. Most Visible Privates

   Of course Snoop volunteered to play outfield for today's Celebrity Softball Game in Cincinnati. That's where the grass is!

   Wish that the media was more interested in Hillary's emails than Tom Brady's deflated balls

   Relax Jared. You will still be able to get all of the footlongs that you want in prison

   It's nice to see that SNL let Miss Piggy host SNL tonight

   Jerod has been sentenced to 15 years of all the footlongs that we wants

   Guns don't kill people. Husbands that come home early do

   After seeing Stephanie, I see why it's called "Fuller House"!

   Sheldon Cooper has scored more than Ohio State did last night

   I guess orange is officially the new black

   For those of you that think that Jimmy Kimmel is a champion of women’s rights feel free to watch some “Man Show” reruns

   If I end up getting the Coronavirus, I’d prefer to have it on the beach with a lime

   So how does this work? Do we send our dollar bills to the NFL or do we pay JLo directly?

   I think that Biden got confused with picking Mayor Pete as Transportation Secretary. He is a Rhodes Scholar, not a Roads Scholar.