bOb Funny Status Messages

   the lower urinal for short people or long people? #clearance

   I suppose I'm a late bloomer. But the way it's going, I'm going to hook up in the nursing home. Somebody water me, PLEASE!

   they did an MRI of my brain.....they found nothing.

   destructive forces have hit the Gulf Coast! Oh, and a hurricane sweeped by.

   Dear world, please don't end till after after my four day weekend is complete. Thank you.

   When the world ends tomorrow, I hope it is after 5:00 pm, because I won't get paid for the holiday if I don't work Friday.

   Crap! Still here! Better schedule that colonoscopy,

   I'm single by choice...Not my choice, but it's still a choice.

   Dear Mother Nature: Get off the Vortex aleready.

   Just got a call from the post office, can they start delivering some of my cards now, they're running out of room in their sorting office

   What is it with those female athletes, freezing temps and they wear them thin skin tight lycra suits, my wife wears more than that in a warm bed

   I only got one valentine card, and that was from the wife. I say valentine card, it was actually a death threat. still it's the thought that counts

   What's with those lower urinals? Are they for small boys or large men?

   For one to describe oneself as monosyllabic would be an oxymoron.

   Some dude is going to be eaten alive by an Anaconda tonite....BIG DEAL...I was eaten alive by a snake years ago and my lawyer got me out. Sucked dry, but free.

   Sticks and stones may hurt my bones but names will never hurt me....simple advice to Islamic extremist, but it's hard to reason will those that believe there's a bevy of virgins waiting for them upon death

   Lindsey Vonn starts at the top and ends up on the bottom.....so, apparently, does Tiger

   great news for those that talk $hit....PREPARATION H is now available as a chapstick!!

   If you're a woman that plans on visiting Halas Hall later this year, I suggest you use the stairs

   Made a deposit at the Sperm Bank....sadly, it's earning no interest.