StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can't find it...

   Some people only pick up a Bible when they want a tattoo.

   I'm texting nothing but ugly girls from now on. They text back so fast!

   it just me, or was music better when ugly people were allowed to make it?

   Words I'm incorporating into my vernacular: Vernacular, Incorporating

   Love Coco Puffs. Hate Popo Cuffs.

   If you feel like you've done nothing in life remember that some trees take 20 years to grow only to become notebooks with Justin Bieber on them.

   Getting married at 22 sounds alot like leaving the party at 9:30

   I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control, and I thought to myself. "Well this changes everything"

   Note to self: If you come home after work and your wife greets you saying she got a massive pay raise from her boss at work, remember to not kiss her on the lips.

   I'm going to start responding to videos people post of their babies on Facebook with videos of me getting nine hours of sleep

   At Starbucks I order under the name Dad. Then leave.

   It's almost 2015, why don't we have hoverboards yet?" he typed into a pocket-sized device that can do everything.

   I've just invented an invisibility cloak; anything under it is rendered completely invisible. I'm still working out the kinks; you can still see the cloak itself

   sitting here laughing while putting marijuana seeds in a bird feeder

   My ex said she left me because of my short attention span. Unbeknownst to her I actually...damn. Thats a cool ass word right? Unbeknownst..

   Sorry I kept stopping erratically. I was pumping FU<K YOU in Morse Code with my brake lights.

   Autocorrect is changing correctly spelled words. I'm starting to think it has a mind of its AUTOCORRECT IS HARMLESS. GO ABOUT YOUR BUSINESS.

   I just saved a bunch of fu<ks by not giving any.

   I ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.