StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   They say 1 in 4 men is homosexual. So there must be one in my group of friends. I hope its David he's super cute.

   A woman's heart is just as dumb as a guy's d*ck.

   I put the 'me' in camouflage; you just don't see it.

   One man's face is another man's lunch.

   Just imagine how fast church would go if Busta Rhymes was the preacher

   When I die, I want a cellphone in my coffin...just in case

   They should invent an alarm clock that if you hit the snooze button more than 3 times it automatically calls in sick for you.

   Whenever someone spells something wrong, I always look to see if the two letters are close on the keyboard.

   I got food poisoning today. I don't know when I'll use it though.

   A friend of mine told me he had sex with his girlfriend and her twin, I asked how he could tell them apart, and he said her brother has a mustache.

   I'm at the doctor's office & they don't know why I have this rash on my balls. Guess I'll wait for the Dr, these other patients are clueless.

   If the sea was weed and I was I a duck, I'd swim my way down and smoke my way up...buy the seas not weed and I'm not a duck so pass me that bong and STFU

   When I get mad at my parents I dont slam the door or yell "I HATE YOU!" I just go in my room and rapidly flick the light switch. Yeeaah raise the light bill : D

   Facebook does NOT need a dislike button. It's just gonna start more drama.

   I get carried away sometimes... Usually because I refuse to leave.

   I know! I'll go on the Internet and complain! That'll fix everything!

   Just put together some Ikea furniture without instructions and was able to build an extra table and two shelves with the parts I left out.

   I'm guilty of singing songs that I don't know all the words to, but for that 15 seconds I do know, I own that sh*t.

   There is a thin line between love and hate. It starts about halfway through the joint.

   Dear McDonalds, if you start serving breakfast all day you will get more of my money. Sincerely, Supply and Demand.