Slowmotionninja Funny Status Messages

   come on playstation network you were hacked and have been down for 5 days, learn from Jesus, he was crucified and only down for 3 day

   Went to Hulu this morning. Front page: The Royal Wedding brought to you by Fancy Fest. God That's perfect

   Anyone who says having a child is the best moment of their life has obviously never had two kit-kats fall out of a vending machine at once

   What's a burnt pizza, frozen beer and a pregnant girl all have in common? In each scenario there is a DUMBASS who did not take it out in time

   The kids down the street have challenged me to a water fight...I'm just updating my status whilst I wait for the kettle to boil

   whenever you feel powerless, remember that just one single turd of yours can shut down an entire waterpark

   well America looks like you can kill little girls and get away with it these days...Who wants to track down Bieber with me?

   men think about sex every 7 seconds, which is the exact reason I eat hotdogs in under 6 seconds...So it doesn't get weird

   Math questions are so dumb! They're like "if you have 30 chocolate bars and you eat 29, what do you have left?" OH I don't know how bout diabetes!!

   VMA recap: Lady GaGa came in as a man. Nicki Minaj came as Lady GaGa, and Jay-z came in Beyonce

   She wanted something that went from 0 to 300 in 2 secs so I got her a scale...

   I have a question for all government officials and anyone who supports SOPA/PIPA. Do you really want to piss off ALL those hackers all at once?

   If you mix Taco Bell sauce into your ramen, It tastes exactly like poverty

   Watching the movie Independence Day to commemorate Will Smith's efforts in preventing an alien invasion this exact day 16 years ago. I thank Will Smith for my freedom!!!

   So I just saw a church sign that said "Why pay for GPS, Jesus gives guidance for free." Do you think Best Buy would match that?

   I have decided I am going to write erotica for the elderly. Excerpts from Chapter 1: "He wondered why she took off her Dentures. Later he could not thank her enough."

   I just inadvertently murdered two snails in front of what I can only assume was their son. As a result, I may have just created the snail equivalent of the batman.

   Baby, I would take a bullet for you... In Halo 4... Unless I'm on a kill streak.

   Kim Kardashian Says She Would Like To Have Sex With Herself …To Know What It Feels Like! Guess that means that after Kanye West Noone wants to touch her.

   So there are teenagers out there that have unprotected sex, but yet have cases on their phones. Just let that sink in for a minute....