Scottyp Funny Status Messages

   I am so happy to hear that curiousity killed the cat. For a while, I was the only suspect..

   From what I can tell, a Boomerang is just a Frisbee for people who don't have any friends...

   I hit a coyote with my car on the way to work this morning. I tried to miss it but it was going to fast. It might have had something to do with that ACME rocket strapped to his back

   I'm not saying that you and your girlfriend are unatractive, but when you two got into that physical altercation at the bar, every single person there immediately called PETA except for Michael Vick and that's only because he had already wagered on her

   Middle Age---When you sit at home and Saturday night and the phone rings and you really hope it's not for you...

   After a very thorough, 25 year investigation, charges have officially been filed against "video" for her part in the killing of the radio star.....

   ice seems to be able to make even the most graceful of people turn into really bad break dancers.....

   Ice has a way of turning even the most graceful of people into really bad break dancers......

   I tried to look up the Kelly Blue Book value of my car and it said before it could tell me it needed to know how much gas was in it....

   I guess today has been pretty good. I haven't had to slap one single person yet....

   I'm so cold that I decided to start my own non-profit today. It's called PETAELG. That's People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals with the Exception of Lying Groundhogs

   I would like to take this time to thank everyone for our VICTORY against global warming. Well done, everyone, well done.......

   I just picked out a Valentines Card from the Ben Roethlisberger collection. It came with a roofy, two advil for the day after and a do-it-yourself police report..

   Life's like a box of chocolates. Sometimes you have to stick your finger in a few before you find the one that's right for you....

   I guess it time to test my theory that Vodka (being alcohol) should kill the flu virus.......

   Hooked on Phonics werked fer me :-)

   Always keep several Get Well cards on the mantel. If unexpected guests arrive, they'll think you've been sick and unable to clean.

   I don't know what it is that you're doing to make it appear as if you're really stupid, but whatever it is, it's really working

   Justin Bieber takes his relationship with Selena Gomez public. I think that it is so sweet that he's pretending to like girls....

   If before every major life decision, people would just say "What would Charlie Sheen do?"...The world would be so much more interesting....