Rick H. Funny Status Messages

   Watched way too much Shark week episodes last week. I fell off a pool float yesterday in the pool and started panicking.....

   Just because your a great grand-mother does not give you the right to wear "Juicy" on the seat of your pants...

   Ever notice how that toothpaste falls so easily off your brush, but you can't wash it down the drain if you wanted to....

   anyone's Facebook acting strange today? Mine just tried to fondle me....

   This Yorkie is eating up our retirement money. I'm serious. She found the shoebox under the bed.

   Whoever decided this Halloween candy is the "fun" size is not someone I care to party with.

   Two words that should never be together: Redneck Couture

   I'm terrible with people's names. For example: I've known this guy Steve for years and just realized her name is actually Stacy.

   Got insomnia? May I suggest watching the CMA's.

   The one good thing I experienced about eating at In & Out Burger is it helped get rid of that gum I swallowed several years ago.

   It is by far the most beautiful lump of coal you have ever seen..

   They should make a app for the IPhone that yells "Code Blue Stat" when the battery is weak.

   Haven't heard Obama say one thing about getting rid of Jersey Shore..

   I have coughed so much this week I think I'm developing 6-pack abs.

   Do they have to play movies so loud at the theatre? I litterally have to scream into my phone.

   Went to see the Hunger Games thinking it was a free-style attack all you can eat buffet. It was a movie. Very disappointed.

   Tried to buy a Harley today but they said I had no balding as of yet?

   I wished my neighbor hated weeds as much as I do....

   After the movie Magic Mike is released this weekend all the theatre seats are going to looks like snails crawled across them...

   People in Arkansas are curious if this health plan is going to cover tooth whitening.