Michael Askins Funny Status Messages

   may the bridges I burn light my way...

   I may be reading too much into this, but I'm pretty sure this girl I met is stalking me... I saw her google my name last night through my binoculars.. I nearly fell out of the tree!!

   A relationship without trust is like a car with no gas. You can stay in it as long as you want, but its not going anywhere..

   Dear girl in Walmart, Yes it is summer but your shirt and shorts are way too small and you look like a half opened can of biscuits. Sincerely, The guy in line behind you clawing out his eyeballs..

   Spell check is for the week.

   The government shut down? Hmm.. Didn't notice any difference...

   Facebook memories... Just in case you didn't have enough "WTF was I thinking" moments during the day..

   Props to all the women who don't have to dress like a slut to get attention from men, stay classy... The rest of you come with me...

   May the bridges I burn light the path in front of me...

   If your in the grocery store with your new iphone 7 and pay with food stamps don't be surprised when I slap that phone out of your hand.

   The "running man" may no longer be a trendy dance move, but it's a cool way to get out of a boring conversation