MTQ Funny Status Messages
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I like my women like I like my cheese. White American singles.
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08-21-2011 11:10 by MTQ
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Florida: Those computerized hurricane forecast models are ridiculous. You could give a 4 year old a map and a crayon, and they'd come up with something almost as inaccurate.
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08-23-2011 07:02 by MTQ
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Why does this thing tell you that you have 24 letters left, then when you post it's incomplete? e
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08-23-2011 07:35 by MTQ
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I go to a Weight Watchers meeting. I dump out a carton of Whoppers malted Milk Balls on the floor. The next thing you know, I'm watching a live version of the Hungry Hungry Hippos game.
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08-25-2011 07:30 by MTQ
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THIS JUST IN: CHILD ACTOR BUCKWHEAT HAS CONVERTED HIS RELIGION TO ISLAM. HE WILL NOW GO BY THE NAME, "KAREEM OF WHEAT''. FILM AT ELEVEN.
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08-26-2011 09:20 by MTQ
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I'm a walking Economy. My hairline is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and the combination of the two is putting me into a deep depression!
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08-26-2011 14:01 by MTQ
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Camping. Camping? Listen up Mr. and Mrs.Field and Stream...My idea of roughing it is a Motel 6 with no cable.
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08-27-2011 11:54 by MTQ
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Was driving a van full of women to a Jimmy Buffett concert. Saw a sign that read 25 MPH. I thought to myself, "Twenty five Menopausal Parrot Heads is right.
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08-27-2011 13:20 by MTQ
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I remember something traumatic from when I was two days old. The Doctor performing my circumcision looked at me, with knife in hand and said, "It won't be long now!"
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08-27-2011 13:25 by MTQ
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One of my first jobs job was at an orange juice factory, but I got canned. I couldn't concentrate.
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08-28-2011 10:24 by MTQ
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I walk into the 7/11, and the female clerk says, "You look JUST like my fourth husband!" I said, "Really...you've been married four times?' She goes, "No. Three."
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08-29-2011 05:02 by MTQ
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When a thief kisses you, count your teeth.
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08-30-2011 07:55 by MTQ
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Ever wonder why some people wait 'til they're in their cars and stopped at traffic lights to pick their noses?
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08-31-2011 10:08 by MTQ
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It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffeemaker.
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08-31-2011 23:38 by MTQ
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Hallmark Card: "I'm so miserable without you, it's almost like you're still here."
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09-01-2011 10:58 by MTQ
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Someday we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
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09-02-2011 00:45 by MTQ
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I once wanted to become an atheist but I gave up. They have no holidays.
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09-02-2011 06:53 by MTQ
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I saw a girl with a belly ring. She must've weighed 400 lbs. That belly ring turned out to be a hitch.
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09-02-2011 10:55 by MTQ
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***NEWSFLASH*** Tell ALL your female friends that I can get 100 tampons for $1.00... No Strings attached...but for a limited period ONLY!...A bloody good deal!
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09-02-2011 15:47 by MTQ
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What's the difference between erotic and kinky? Erotic: USE a feather. Kinky: Use the whole chicken
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09-04-2011 16:47 by MTQ
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