Kisstopher707 Funny Status Messages

   The problem with the general public is that it's made up of people.

   My Crocs say I'm always down for a good time but my fanny pack lets you know I'm prepared for anything.

   You put the stress in mistress.

   All of my best ideas involve jail time.

   I can't tell if the vegetarians upstairs are having sex or are finally eating a steak.

   Women I sleep with get so weird when I ask them to sign the guestbook.

   "I'm a woman, not a sex object" - said a woman to herself as she put on a push-up bra.

   Make her feel like she's the only woman on earth. Because nothing makes women happier than feeling like all other women are dead.

   There is a good reason why they call it XBOX ONE; You take ONE look at it and go and buy yourself a PS4!

   My suicide note will probably just be my phone left unlocked

   "We had to let him go. He was only pulling 15 times his weight around here." - Corporate ants.

   I got 0 problems and denial is one!

   I like to welcome visitors to my home with a warm, and sincere 'Goodbye'.

   We have some people struggling with obesity problems, while others are struggling with poverty and starvation. Sh*t like this is why Jesus is not coming back during our lifetime until we get our act together.

   Facebook keeps offering to find my friends for me. Good luck, Facebook! See if you can find my dad while you're at it.

   Relationships these days are like birthdays; once the cake is eaten, the party's over!

   Avoid sharing your alcohol, by surrounding yourself with people that don't drink.

   If you don't hate yourself after it, you haven't eaten enough.

   Its already too late for some of you ladies to find Mr Right and I would advise you to just settle for Mr. What's Left or you will die alone.

   My kinda woman has more sex swings than mood swings.