Kisstopher Funny Status Messages

   After being bored to death with the Royal Wedding and the Beatification of the Pope, finally something worth watching on TV. Come on CNN I want all the gory details and footage on the death of Osama Bin Laden. This I can watch for days.

   Osama's last words, "Who is there?"

   It seems in the eyes of his critics, Obama can do no good. He could find the cure for cancer but that would still not be good enough. Obama is the president of United States today and tomorrow, deal with it or migrate.

   Mrs. Bin Laden just updated her Facebook status to single.

   Bin Laden died on 5/2/2011 5+2+2+0=9 11 "9/11" karma's a b**ch

   Maybe the people that say money can't buy happiness are just buying the wrong stuff?

   When you love someone truly and unconditionally, age, distance, bank balance, height or weight is just a damn number.

   After many bad reviews it's clear the Blackberry playbook is no threat to the iPad. In response Apple release the iToldYa

   When you confront your Man, don't make him feel interrogated. Remember, you could win the argument and still lose the Man.

   If you are dreaming of being on the same level with me, you better wake up and apologize!

   Don't be Jealous of Me... If you had to walk a mile in my shoes you'd probably need year of therapy.

   Life can be like a prick, Sometimes it gets hard for no apparent reason.

   Today the rest of you women don't matter til' Monday...and when Tuesday rolls around a couple of you still won't matter.

   If you really want something, you will find a way. If you don't, you will find an excuse.

   Shout out to all the moms who spent their whole Mother's Day thinking and worrying, "If this dummy ever asks for a paternity test, I can kiss the good life goodbye”

   Love is a sacred thing meant just for two. But there's always that one slut who doesn't know how to count.

   Its not me, its you. I just don't think it's going to work between us. You're boring, tasteless, and I can't stop cheating on you. I know you're my right choice, but we can't continue! TO: DIET FROM: ME

   If it was up to me, Pregnancy test would only have 2 cool results; PINK - You are screwed & BLUE - Keep on screwing.

   To those who worry about haters I say: You will never reach your DESTINATION if you keep stopping to throw stones at every dog that barks at you.

   I am never shocked or surprised when someone I trust and love backstabs or betrays me. Even the Devil was once an angel. Even Judas was once a loyal disciple.