Jerry Carter Funny Status Messages

   Well it appears coming soon to a store near you...The Morning After Pill. Marketed in fun filled colors and your favorite cartoon characters. You can choose from flintstone, gummy bear, buggs bunny, or any of your favorite Disney characters...

   Oh well, a friend just tried to send ricin via email!!!! He never was the brightest color in the crayon box!!

   So the electric motor on our ceiling fan went out. We had a old blender that was about to be a yard sale item so I modified it and rigged it on the ceiling fan. Now I have off, high, tornado, and hurricane. And oddly, a self cleaning house now.....

   I am about tired of all this frozen global warming!

   I just heard that in order to show no hard feelings, Phil has ordered the staff at Duck Commander to increase production of pink duck calls by 25%!! What a guy...

   Remember safety first.... Reach, Throw, Row, Go......Only you can rescue someone who may have stepped off into a pothole!

   Woke up screaming Sunday morning. My apologies to everyone at church...

   Where are all these beautiful singles in my area that want to meet me. I keep getting a popup with photo's of several ladies, However I have never noticed them at wal-mart, the grocery store, church, or anywhere around here. I Think this may be a scam!!

   I had no idea Baltimore had won any type of championship!!!!

   You ever felt like a fool, by waving your hands at a paper towel dispenser that turned out to not be automatic. Other folks in the rest room think you are a ninja of something....

   I watched the news reports on what was going on in Chicago!!!! I had no idea Trump won the playoffs!!!!

   I just finished my taxes...As much as I am going to have to pay...The least Obama could do is send me a photo of the family I am sponsoring!!!!

   What's with all these diaper companies.... I have tried three brands so far... The bag clearly says 12 to 14 pounds..... Folks I am here to tell you, not one brand held over 10 pounds before we had to change them.... Talk about a mess!!!!

   Are you tired of wal-mart rushing our holiday's? I can't believe it, They already have birthday cards out and it's still months away from my birthday!!!!

   My credit score is so bad I have started receiving pre-declined credit card offers!

   I have an electric stove, but I prefer acoustic. The proceeding random thought was for all my musician friends........

   My bank account has been hacked....The hacker felt so sorry for me, he sent me a message and has started a gofundme page......

   I watched the Olympics last night....I first watched competitive house remodeling, then Cooking with the nuwave oven, and finally finished the evening off with what I thought was going to be open water shark vacuuming....Olympics have sure changed...

   After the debate last night and according to tradition we should have a long hard winter....Both Hillary and Donald saw their shadows.

   I watched some of the debate last night...I kept on waiting for someone to say "Live from New York it's Saturday Nite"!!!!! But it never happened.....