Jeff W Funny Status Messages

   So let me get this straight. There's a War on Women but no War on Terror? Hey guys, little less focus on the labia little more on Libya.

   Storage Wars is fake? What will you tell me next, that Taco Bell meat isn't real or that Santa isn't real?

   I'm taking my family to see the Nutcracker on Saturday. Of course I'm talking about my mother-in-law, not the show.

   The fastest way to get my son out the door on a school morning is to ask him if he wants a hug...

   I wonder how much of a deduction I would get in figure skating by having to keep one hand on the wall the whole time?

   Valentines Day is the only day of the year that the guy with the smallest package gets the girl.

   Tossing back a drink for all of the presidents who died...so that we could have a day off work. Salute!

   Congrats to Lamar Odom. The first guy to have cocaine and bookers actually save his marriage.

   So you can catch HIV from being in Two and a Half Men

   Wow, I've been on the No Sugar Diet for one day and have already lost ... my will to live.

   DELTA = Don't Ever Leave The Airport

   Lent is almost here! Time to get your Ash in church!