Jake Funny Status Messages

   . Have you heard the saying the truth will set you free? I told the judge the truth and got three years.

   My wife is so fat, that she only needs a cup of water in the tub to take a bath.

   The Quickest way to get a person to call you back. Take a bath.

   You can not use the 5 second rule when you drop a hotdog on the floor if you have a 3 second dog.

   During my vacation, I learned alot about my self. The main thing I learned was, not to take another vacation.

   People who don't have a dog, have to pick the food up them self that they drop on the floor .

   Does anyone really ever listen to the wedding march melody? Dumb dumb de dumb ...... Dumb dumb de dumb.

   Feeling down? Just play your wedding tape backwards and you'll feel better.

   Most wives don't mind if their husband brings some work home with them to do. But my sister sure does. Her husband is a mortician.

   Most wives don't mind if their husband bring some work home to do. But my sister does, her husband is a mortician.

   A person who says that sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me. Has never been hit with a large dictionary.

   Do you know why it's mandatory for female paratroopers to wear pants ? It's to prevent them from whistling on their way down.

   We were so poor. That one birthday my gift was a pack of batteries with a note, toys not included.

   In a gay casino, a queen beats a straight every time.

   What is only a small box, but weighs over 250 pounds? A scale

   Another good feeling. Waking up and realizing that it's sunday and not monday morning. AAAAAH......zzzzzzz.

   911: What's the emergency? Man: My wife keeps shining her laserlight pointer light on me. 911: How is that an emergency ? Man: Her laserlight pointer is attached to her gun.

   New breakfast cereal called Prosatooties. They don't snap crackle or pop. They just in the bowl and smile at you.

   Notice when you call a 1-800 techical support number you get an assistance operator in India? Wonder when a person in India call for technical support if they get an amercian operator.

   At Halloween never go to a dog park dressed as a fire hydrant.