J. BIAZA Funny Status Messages

   Dear Dominos Pizza, gotta question. After I rate your food directly on the box do you review the results from my garbage can?

   My girlfriend always complains that I don't take her anywhere expensive.. So I took her to the Gas Station.

   n't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

   I used to be in a band called ‘Missing Cat'. You probably saw our posters.

   If you don't like my sense of humor please tell me… so I can laugh at you!

   Be careful when it comes to reincarnation…. one time I asked to be a singer and I spent 30 years as a sewing machine.

   Just put my money where my mouth is. Pennies taste disgusting.

   Apparently dyslexia is not a good excuse for driving 53 in a 35.

   Just had 2 thoughts during my massage. 1.I hope my body is not in an odd position when I die. 2.I don't think I've ever seen a live otter."

   Apparently this is the letter “v” in Chinese: 维 Lets see American geese try to fly in that shape.

   Smith & Wesson: The original point and click interface.

   You're her boyfriend?! That's cool! I'm her manfriend!

   I always choose Pepsi over Coca-Cola because I prefer my soda dehyphenated.

   I graduated with a 4.0 … Blood Alcohol level.

   I need to either get a new air conditioner or move into my refrigerator.

   A smile is like tight underwear…it makes your cheeks go up.

   I would have emailed sooner, but my cat ate my mouse.

   Cheese is like a villain from a horror movie: Whatever you do to it only makes it stronger. Shred it? Better. Slice it? Better. Melt it? Perfection.

   Thought I was having deja-vu but it turns out I do the exact same things every day

   A soulpatch is like a Corvette for your face.