Downey Funny Status Messages

   Nothing says "I have no life," quite like people who listen to Nascar on the radio.

   In my house, relationships go sour before a gallon of milk does...

   I can let the fact that she owns a cat slide....as long as it's never been used as her profile pic.

   Football season is a lot like my se(x) life....except for I actually care when football season is coming.

   My ex girlfriend felt the same way about anal, as she did about eating at McDonald's... If she was drunk enough, she would do it.

   being that they're all middle aged men now with kids of their own, I think now's a good time to change their name to Minivan-Halen.

   I'm not going to lie to you. There's a good chance that at some point, I will probably try to do you. That's just how I roll.

   I changed my alarm tone to a Justin Bieber song and it works great... Now I wake up early just so I don't have to hear that $hit.

   I like when a woman tries to shove 210 pounds in a 135 pound dress because I used to bag groceries and admire that level of conviction.

   Got a text from my girlfriend, 'thespacebuttonisfaultyonthisphonecanyoupleasegivemeanalternative.' I wonder what 'ternative' means?

   The only thing my ex & I had in common was that neither one of us would suck a d!ck.

   If David Hasselhoff doesn't describe his workouts as "sweating his asseloff," well then screw him!

   the fact that I can order Domino's in my underwear without leaving my bed has proven how far technology has really came.... and how fuc%in' lazy I have also became.

   wanna come back to my place & watch some p0rn on my 60" flat screen mirror?

   Can we start a rumor that all Ed Hardy & Tapout shirts are bullet proof?

   Was asked what I look for in a relationship. Apparently, "A way out" wasn't the right answer...

   I'm not sure who told bald guys they were required to have goatees, but they all fell for it.