Bridget Funny Status Messages

   Chess Master Plots Brilliant Attack On Wife!

   Facts are busily being ground into meat.

   Yesterday I had a religious experience: I was repressed and beaten by a man in a black robe.

   Tattoos: Nothing like a permanent disfigurement to satisfy the whims of fashion.

   A good rule for facebook: Friends don't let friends friend non friends.

   I wrote a joke about the short duration of cocaine, in fact the joke itself is a one-liner.

   “Tired of online dating? You're not alone.” Yes you are. That's why you're dating online.

   A necktie functions like a tourniquet, preventing excess blood from entering the head.

   Every flaw in my character is quietly salvaged as evidence of my genius.