Bobo the Chimp Funny Status Messages

   I wash my hands so many times a day, I couldn't contract OCD even if I wanted to.

   Earlier I tapped my foot twice to a song. Sometimes the dance just bursts right out of me.

   A minor typo has made me realize what an adorable thing it would be to have a significant otter.

   I always use the self-checkout lane to avoid being embarrassed when my card is declined.

   At some point, my grandmother stopped admiring how big I was getting.

   I wonder if Facebook farmers have sex with their Farmville sheep, and 'like' it.

   I always put eggs in a ziplock bag before I crack them open in case a chicken darts out.

   Follow Does this Dress make me look cross-dresserish?

   Does the plus sign mean Google tested positive for Facebook?

   "I laughed, I cried, then laughed, then cried, then laughed, then cried..." -Early reviews for 'The Bi-Polar Express'

   I just keyed 2+2=5 onto the hood of a Smart Car.

   I put the "fun" in insufficient funds.

   Why was that Rorschach guy so obsessed with drawing pictures of my mom naked?

   In hamster years I'm over 2000 years old. Not bad for a chain smoking sugar addict.

   I won't say this Jack in the Box is dirty, but there's a sign in the restroom that says "Employees Must Wipe Their Asses."

   I see debt people.

   If smart phones were so smart they'd figure out a way to last longer than four hours.

   If you love a balloon, set it free. If it comes back to you, it probably wasn't a balloon.

   The only yoga stretch I have perfected is the yawn.

   Jessica Simpson has already taught her daughter everything she knows.