@truebeachbabe Funny Status Messages

   already on the naughty list. Santa... I can explain.

   Please hold while I put on my "Gosh I really care" face.

   You need to carry Lifesavers on you religiously because they will serve their purpose. In your pockets & in your car. Do it. Trust me.

   Don't slap my ass then apologize.

   Why does the new thomas the train commercial say it's so easy to score??

   I'm not a social drinker. It's mostly work related.

   I listed Starbucks as my emergency contact at work.

   Attracting men is just like fishing. You just have to wiggle the bait.

   I've heard that hair dye goes to your head. You must use the Nice & Easy brand.

   I just saw a headline saying, "Is Rebecca Black pregnant?" & all I could think of was that I guess she chose the back seat.

   The only reason women can't park is because we are constantly being lied to about what 8 inches really is.

   Sir-Mix-A-Lot wasn’t even that clever. All babies have backs.

   Dwayne Johnson, paper, scissors...

   Happy Birthday Sasha Obama! For her birthday, her daddy gave her Justin Bieber's phone records.

   An elementary school in California is being named after Michelle Obama. It's obvious that the school's mascot will be Chewbacca.

   Miley Cyrus can't stop, but she really should.

   Disney has turned into America's Next Top Slut competition. Call in Britney to host with Christina and Lindsay for judges.

   I want to be a Disney princess, but not Snow White because I don't want dwarfs touching me while I sleep.

   My parents never let me play with anything magical or watch anything violent as a kid. I just had family-friendly games trying to figure out who murdered this guy in the library with a wrench.

   Sometimes I prefer to use my face for emoticons.