@dj_soltrix Funny Status Messages

   Hey ladies, you know who finds your period attractive? Sharks.

   Instead of Hooters, they should call it "Flat-Chesters."

   Does anyone know the name of that one song that doesn't have Pitbull in it?

   Someone should make a TV game show called "Pregnant Or Not Pregnant?" and have contestants questioning fat girls for prizes.

   MEAN PRANK: Replace Cocoa Puffs cereal with dry dog food.

   People that drive below the speed limit are the same people that are never invited to parties.

   There's a styling salon down my street called "Blow Bar," and needless to say, I walked in excited thinking it was something else.

   Another way for a guy to confess his virginity to a woman is to tell her he follows Justin Bieber on Twitter.

   I went shopping today for belts, and I used them right away on all the screaming kids at the store.

   The best way to watch the new Adam Sandler film 'Jack & Jill' is to rip it to DVD, let it play on your TV, and then set your house on fire.

   How many years of college does it take to hold up one of those business signs on the side of the road again?

   MILFs nowadays are 16 years old.

   I hate when women don't have any pictures showing how her butt looks. How else am I going to know if I want to talk to you?

   Hey ladies that still wear one-piece bathing suits: Nope.

   Never trust a woman who takes pictures from the neck up.

   The look on people's faces while waiting at a bus stop is the same look children make when they can't have any candy.

   Whenever I get a Christmas present that I don't want, I hold onto it and give it to someone else as their birthday gift.

   If you call me and I don't answer, it's exactly what you think. I ignored your call.

   I bet the old guys that apply for the mall Santa job positions are undercover pedophiles.

   If I was homeless, I'd play it smart. My sign would say "Will have sex with any woman for food." That way, both of my needs are satisfied.