@The69Sheriff Funny Status Messages

   the next time someone says "I don't know whether to laugh or cry"... kick 'em in the shins really hard so they'll know for sure.

   hates the KKK as much as anyone... but it is kinda neat that they introduced "hoodies" to American fashion.

   thought I saw a woodchuck far out in my yard and I wanted to take a cool picture of it so I slowly crept closer and closer to it... I spent half an hour sneaking up on a log.

   Psychotherapy is like the boardgame Clue: "I know who did it. It was my mother, with the passive-aggression, in the 80's."

   met a girl last nite that charged by the inch... I didn't have enough money but I figured she'd be a good deal for you.

   Sadly, "kangaroo on a trampoline" returned zero Youtube results.

   it really necessary for the first square of toilet paper to be glued down?

   can't believe Mark Zuckerberg has a stalker. It's not like he puts all of his information out there or anything.

   I need to move some money around. By that, I mean...I'm going to take the change from my console and convert it to bills, so I'll have money in my pocket!

   wondering... does anyone really believe that Barack Obama doesn't understand exactly what the Muslim Brotherhood is?

   take me drunk, I'm home!

   atheists only exist cause they haven't tasted this grilled cheese I just made.

   thinks sometimes it's fun to ask someone how they are but then before they can respond say, "Anyway" and change the subject.

   just gave a woman my number in Roman numerals... if she figures it out, she's worth a shot.

   wants you to spit your drink at the person sitting across from you and tell them it's because you were laughing at this.

   Whenever I'm on the phone with someone I like to scream WAIT DON'T HANG UP right as they're hanging up... then not answer when they call back.

   tuned in to watch the Grammys but didn't see hardly any grandmothers at all.

   alcohol may cause more deaths than AIDS, TB, and violence... but doesn't it make up for it with pregnancies?i

   wishing that my computer would crash and erase all of the work I'm not doing this morning.

   Next time someone presses the elevator button you've already pressed... act totally impressed & tell them they did it waaay better than you.