@TeeWuu86 Funny Status Messages

   Hows about you give me your number while I'm still interested.

   My Idea for a church bulletin. "Stop, drop, and roll won't work in hell ."

   I told my ex I felt like killing her, and she said I needed professional help. .... So I hired a hitman

   I love the way you laugh....mostly because your boobs jiggle when you do :)

   Why would you want a camera on the iPad? That's like taking pictures with a clipboard!

   **best way to be noticed in a bank** EVERYBODY FREEZE!....did anybody else feel that earthquake?

   Gotta get my ORAL workout: If two witches were watching two watches....then which witch would watch which watch?

   Came home & my girlfriend had on my favorite thong. Needless to say I dumped her. No one wears my clothes and gets away with it

   I asked my co-worker if he think he's going to Heaven. He said, "Hell yea!"......

   never run from a fat cop......he won't chase you, but you wont get away either.

   Me: Did it hurt? Girl says: What, when I fell out of heaven? Me: No, when you got kicked out of hell for being too hotttt!!

   I wish I had had Dora's parents . They let her little A$$ go anywhere

   NOTHING is more awkward then walking down an empty hallway and passing someone who you use to talk to but don't anymore.

   Wouldnt ot be nice if breast implants came with a squeaky toy inside them.

   Old people tell the best stories.....

   a fart is merely the cry of an imprisoned turd

   If your dog is the only one excited when you walk in the door from work even though you make 6 figures.......... you have failed conclusively!!!!!

   Life has no remote. Get up and change it yourself.

   I'm doing a water balloon drive by at bestbuy tonight at 23:00 hours...... Whose with me?!?!

   I wonder if girls at the University of Alabama call their periods the "Crimson Tide"