@RonnieChapman Funny Status Messages

   If your boyfriend answers your text while playing Call of Duty, he doesn't love you. He just died on the game.

   It was an emotional wedding. Even the cake was in tiers.

   On a scale from 1 to 420.. How much Easter candy are you eating right now?

   Do you think that the guy that invented the breathalyzer has any friends left?

   (Sigh) I Got kicked out of Starbucks for trying to order a venti mocha choca latta ya-ya creole lady marmalaaaaaaaaade , again...

   Religion is like a buffet. People take what they like and ignore the rest..

   Women are supposed to be like butterflies. Beautiful and hard to catch but most of y'all are like mosquitoes, annoying and easy to smash.

   Guys that try to pickup women on FaceBook are pathetic. Ladies if you agree DM me your number so we can talk about it...

   Check out Google's homepage right now. It's hilarious

   I use to be addicted to soap, but now I'm clean

   I once dated an amputee. She single-handedly changed my life

   Strangers can become best friends just as easy as best friends can become strangers.....

   Me: "I'm here for the hookers and the booze!!!" Her: "Sir, this is a library." Me: *whispers... "I'm here for the hookers and the booze."

   You think the colts are going to win? You better Belichick yourself before you wreck yourself

   Ladies be careful when a dude asks you to come over and 'chill' it can lead to chill-dren