@Plasticmortal Funny Status Messages

   You grow up the day you have your first real laugh - at yourself.

   Between two evils, I always pick the one I never tried before.

   Egotism - usually just a case of mistaken non-entity.

   In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some.

   A mother my have a thousand daughters but a daughter has only one mother

   Hold your mother today, she was the first to hold you, she held you for 9 months.

   Love is best when it overflows freely from the heart, rather than you having to reach in to get your fill.

   Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.

   I would like to see a tax on every word that come out of the mouth of politicians. That should balance the budget in a day or two.

   You can lead a horse to water but you can not make him drink, but you can make him wish he had!

   took a bucket of Legos to Lowes and asked the cute manager "Let's build something together" that's when I got thrown out of Lowe's.

   according to lipton the best way to make tea is to agitate the bag so every morning morning I slap the wife on the ass and say two sugars fatty

   A man stopped me in the street today and asked me the quickest way to a hospital, so I pushed him under a bus!

   Whoa whoa, calm down Swiffer commercials, you're a wet paper towel on a stick

   God created pollsters to make astrologers look accurate

   I prefer not to think before I speak. I like being just as surprised as everyone else by what comes out of my mouth