sully Funny Status Messages

   I'm not saying it's a bad idea to bring an Ebola patient to Atlanta, I'm saying everyone should leave Atlanta because I've seen this movie....

   Relax, everyone.....The government that couldn't get a website to work has got this Ebola thing. Don't worry!!

   Sometimes I wish Tony Stewart would run me over....... #Hangover

   If I ever get into road rage again, and the person gets out of their car. I'm going to run them over under the Tony Stewart act..... Just saying

   hmmmm...... Thats weird, I dont remember eating corn last night?

   I have 3 babysitting rules. 1. Don't touch my Oreos. 2. Don't bug me unless you're dying. 3. If you don't tell on me, I won't tell on you........

   SAFETY REMINDER: If you encounter an NFL Running Back this weekend, Keep your distance and do NOT approach them....

   Hey NFL,solution to your recent problem,start allowing players to hit each other on the field again......

   Breaking News: NFL is going to investigate the Falcons for Domestic Violence against the Bucs...

   I think the CDC Director needs to resign and let Dr. House save us all from Ebola.....

   *spills beer on trick-or-treaters* No [hiccup] we're out of Snickers & Fun Dip & [hiccup] No Twix either. You want these seeded grapes or not?

   Daylight savings tonight.. Happy extra hour of drinking everyone!!!!

   MSNBC: quickly moving back to Bridgegate....CNN: quickly moving back to missing airplane.....Fox News: laughing their asses off......

   Million Dollar Idea: A restaurant that offers Coke and Pepsi....

   Report: Buffalo is running out of beer...guys we are basically district 12 from the hunger games...the end is ne

   If global warming gets any worse we're all going to freeze to death!

   Damn it...... I've been eating Thin Mints like crazy and haven't lost a freakin pound?

   It's so sad that Leonard Nimoy didn't live long enough to find out what color that dress was.....

   I am getting pretty low on Girl Scout Cookies.... Threat Level: Orange

   Friday the 13th might be an unlucky day, but when you live in the land of bacon, badasses and bald eagles, every day is a lucky day....... ‪#‎America‬