doc Noland Funny Status Messages

   I'd have a better relationship with Vodka, I just can't make it last.

   Wine gets better with age? Obviously wasn't an alcoholic that figured that out.

   Just spilled Whiskey all over my insides!

   I call my lovemaking technique the "Bond Martini" because it leaves women shaken, not stirred.

   I have come to realize that the only reason I eat taco bell is so I can light my own cigarette with my butthole.

   BREAKING: Tupac died again today when a member of his posse tripped over the extension cord.

   I can't believe we wasted star wars technology on tupac

   The Mayans were right. There will be no new year this year, first sign...D!ck Clark is dead.

   Yo, Tupac, I'm really happy for you; I'mma let you finish... but Princess Leia had the best hologram of all time. All time!

   Just found out that the girl from the Blind Melon video grew up to be Jonah Hill.

   Super Mario and Zelda are very accurate in depicting the idiotic things men will do for v@gin@.

   If you ever actually see me smiling at my desk it means I'm stretching out my genit@ls into different animal shapes.

   If you don't purposely get face soap in your nostrils to blow bubbles, you're not as self entertained as me.

   I miss 1999. Ya know, when we all used to do it for the Nookie...

   A woman is like a wine: the less classy, the more you can see its box

   Seriously! Just saw a Weight Watchers commercial on the Food Network... Really? That's like a Jack Daniels ad running on PBS.

   Was thinking about ordering P90X, but I just had to take a knee midway through pouring a glass of sweet tea, so maybe I'll just go lie down instead.

   i played "draw something" in my early 20's way before it was an app. we called it "what shape should we cut this line of cocaine into?"

   The woman in front of me in the checkout line wrote an actual check. I assume she then boarded her carriage and returned to her plantation.

   You say potato, I say Rocky Dennison.