StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   10 year old girls are crying because they broke up with their boyfriend. When I was 10 I cried because I missed the morning cartoons.

   I wish all videos of people twerking ended with them catching on fire.

   Sure, you can sit next me. The other 123 empty chairs in this movie theatre probably suck anyways

   If the way you talk to someone isn't the same as the way you talk about them, perhaps you should do neither

   The ONLY thing I miss about being a teenager is being able to legally punch other teenagers.

   I don't have instagram, so I thought you guys should know I had Starbucks this morning. The cup was super cool looking. I also saw a rainbow

   I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest the thing she had ever laid her hands on. I said, "You're pulling my leg."

   If your drug dealer is always on time, he's a cop

   People that are against smoking pot are the ones that need it the most..

   How many weight watchers points are pot brownies?

   I like clothing that has little hidden pockets. It's like they made it knowing I was going to put my weed in there.

   Really offended these microwave instructions told me to turn my burrito over gently, like I don't treat every burrito with the utmost respec

   I see subway employees are still having their "how much lettuce can you fit on a sandwich" contest.

   Holy shit, I just found out time travel is possible. You can go to 2004 by just following this link: www.myspace.com

   I'm sorry I keep looking at your chest while you're talking. It's just so beautiful. What is it, oak?

   My hair made me look stupid so I cut it. The moral of this story is, if you try to make me look stupid I'll cut you.

   My friend told me not to say anything about his new girlfriends lazy eye, so I made sure to give numerous compliments on her normal one.

   The guys at Home Depot must take classes to know exactly what I meant by "the little thing next to that one piece with the round thing."

   I before E except when you run a feisty heist on a weird beige foreign neighbor...

   Well, everyone at this red light certainly knows who the best goddamn air drummer is.