JAKE Funny Status Messages

   What blood type does a pessimists have? ...... B negative.

   You know you're getting old when you use the word "thingy" because you can't remember what things are called.

   Men.... Try role reversal in bed with your wife. And you have the headache for once.

   At my wedding the minister asked me: Do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife? I said I do. He turn and look at her then back at me and said are you sure?

   The differance between flirting and sexual harrassment. If you're attrative it's flirting.

   They say two heads are better than one. Untill it's their baby.

   The two things a wife can do to make her husband happy. Pack her bags and leave.

   Appearing on several episodes of Cops doesn't make you a TV star.

   Texbook: a tex message that way too long.

   Woman are the only creatures to defly the laws of gravity. The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

   In school I think all of our wives got straight A's in buyology.

   My wife is a porn star. If she ever finds out, she'll kill me.

   Moms, Save money on cereal by putting generic cereal in a bran name box. That way the kids will never know their eating generic cereal.

   My kids treat me like a god. They ignore my existence untill they need something.

   Wife said you always come home in a bad mood. I can't remember the last time you came home in a good one. I said of course not..... that's because you weren't home.

   Seven qualities I look for in a woman. 1. Beautiful. 2. Intelligent. 3. Gentle. 4. Thoughtful. 5. Innocent. 6. Trustworthy. 7. Sensible . Or in short B.I.G.T.I.T.S.

   Wives if your husband says something and you're not around to hear it is he still wrong?

   Husbands calm down are two words you should never say to your wife.

   Bad decision: Saying come in to a Jehovah Witness at your door.

   Confuius said "Never check the depth of water with both feet."