life Funny Status Messages

   He doesn't know how to drive. He doesn't know how to pump gas. He doesn't know how to buy groceries. He doesn't know how to use a computer. He's lived in a gold, chauffeured bubble his entire life. And so many of you think he's great LMFAO

   In 3,025 years, life will either be really good or really bad. It's 5050.

   If this were real life, and the odd loser who we watch get triggered here due to our posts was sitting across from us at a bar? Crying? We would drag him outside, and beat the sh*t out of him. Then, we'd take his wife home and play "rotisserie".

   27% approval rating! The party is on life support lmao.

   Maybe the tubby no-life loooooser who lives in his parents basement and continually makes fun of GaryKoenig's status updates, should come up something original of their own. Instead of just attacking other people. You annonymous dumbf*ck.

   If this were real life, you'd be beaten so bad, you'd starve to death doing backflips 🤡

   You might not like Koenigs posts but he’s the only one here using the page as intended now. It’s 99.9% triggered crap now. Get a life people.

   Life is full of disappointments, and I just added you to the list.

   I saw a bumper sticker that said "May life treat you the way you treat your dog" I hope no one puts me on a leash and makes me poop outside.

   3 things I will never understand: 1. The meaning of life. 2. The universe. 3. How Spongebob & Patrick made those sounds effects in that box.

   I saved my husband's life insurance company $500,000 dollars by switching to xanax.

   I helped my neighbor out with something this morning and she said to me, "I could marry you". I couldn't believe it... You do something nice for someone and they threaten to ruin your life in return.

   I really hope my life doesn't flash before my eyes when I pass away. There are some things I'd rather not see again.

   Just got my electricity bill and I believe I got charged for the sunlight, the moonlight, the street light, the light of my life, the speed of light, and the light at the end of the tunnel.

   Sometimes someone unexpected comes into your life outta nowhere, makes your heart race and changes you forever. We call these people cops.

   I'm about to start telling folks different stories about my life. So when they get together to gossip, they just end up arguing.

   Thanks to the people that walked into my life and made it better. And thanks to the ones who walked out and made it amazing.

   Fact of life: The older you get, the more risky a sneeze becomes.

   I asked my doctor, do you think I’ll live a long and healthy life? The doctor replied, I doubt it somehow, Mercury is in Uranus right now. I said, I don’t believe in all that astrology crap. He said, neither do I, my thermometer just broke.

   I'm at the point in life where the hottest text I get is: "Your prescription is ready for pick up"