life Funny Status Messages

   Wondering if life is easier when you're totally insane? I'm about halfway there and I want to know if I need to speed up or slow down

   Life begins at 40, so do fallen arches, rheumatism, faulty eyesight, and the tendency to tell a story to the same person, three or four times.

   Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.

   Not all storms come to disrupt your life, some come to clear your path.

   Life is a constant balancing act between wondering why you weren’t invited to something and wondering how to get out of it.

   My parents were very inspirational, they used to say: “You can do whatever you want in life, as long as you don’t do it here.”

   I’m at the point in life where if a girl dresses up in a french maid outfit I’d be more happy if she actually just cleaned my house for me..

   I probably should stop talking about how dumb my dog is considering he’s been homeschooled his whole life.

   Remember: You can't have a mid-life crisis if your entire life is a crisis.

   You know All my life I’ve wanted to learn to juggle. I just never had the balls to do it.

   If you think your life can't get any worse, just remember this. you could be Mike Tyson in a Chinese restaurant trying to order the Sweet and Sour Shrimp.

   Ladies and Gentleman, I’ve traveled a long way, crossed many bridges, fought my way through countless obstacles, all to bring you this one sad truth about life. There’s never enough beer.

   High On Life 2

   Do I love my co workers ? No But are they really good at their job and make my life easier ? Also no

   May life treat you the way you treat waiters and animals.

   The older I get, the less life in prison is a deterrent.

   Old computer games couldn’t be won, they just got harder and faster until you died. Just like in real life.

   Too old for SnapChat. Too young for Life Alert.

   Life would be easier if we all had a video game health bar above our heads letting everyone know how close we are to a meltdown.

   All you need in this life is ignorance and confidence, and then success is sure.