life Funny Status Messages

   Trying to breathe quietly while walking uphill, so bystanders don’t hear me fighting for my life.

   Life is like soccer, you can either use your head or use a good swift kick.

   Him: you are my drug. Her: aww… you can’t live without me? Him: No, you’re expensive and you ruin my life.

   Just got a booty call from life, apparently it still wants to keep screwing me.

   Of course God knows about the bad things that happen. But, unlike lefticles, he has to be invited to intervene in your life.

   Life isn’t supposed to be easy, it’s a fight, a test.

   You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life..

   A satisfied life is better than a successful life. Because our success is measured by others, our satisfaction is measured by our own hearts, minds, and souls.

   To the people who react to my posts daily, may your life be full of puppy kisses and kitten snuggles.

   No matter how bad your life is, just remember, people out there are worried about the gender of a plastic potato.

   Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, Please do not go in that bathroom.

   Don't let your Facebook balls get your real life teeth knocked out.

   Life is not like a box of chocolates. It’s more like mixed vegetables with freezer burn.

   In the life, there is no Ctrl+Z

   Should I be suspicious if my wife sends me to pick up something she bought on Craig’s List just a week after we updated our life insurance?

   The surest sign that intelligent life exists elsewhere in the universe is that it has never tried to contact us.

   If life was fair, Elvis would be alive, and all the impersonators would be dead.

   Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They’re about to announce the lottery numbers.

   My doctor told me that jogging could add years to my life. I think he was right. I feel ten years older already.

   When you’re in love it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.