hihuggiehi Funny Status Messages

   If anyone ever moans about you leaving a pile clothes on the floor, just tell them it's a dead Jedi.

   The best stories ever told always end with the words"...and then I got the hell out of there."

   I've counted 8 people so far whose New Year's resolutions include "loose weight". Can I add spelling to your list too?

   Started off 2013 right by hitting the gym bright and early, mainly because they wouldn't cancel my membership over the phone.

   Since I'm so good at failing to fullfill my resolutions, this year my resolutions are to be unhealthy, avoid the gym, pay my bills late and have more sex with ugly girls.

   I used to be a people person, but apparently collecting people in your basement is frowned upon.

   Right before I left the house my wife asked me if I filled out my organ donor information and now I'm hesitant to start the car.

   My level of lazy is that I don't think house arrest would be that bad.

   What's it called when you can't commit to a girl for more than a month but you've been using the same brand toothpaste for 15 years?

   I have 4 missed calls from my mom. A rescue team is gonna break down my door and find me sitting in my underwear on my couch eating cheetos any minute now.

   Your bedazzled iphone lets me know the music in it sucks.

   What I know about you has earned my attention. What I don't know about you is what makes you interesting.

   Does Facebook have a "You're not smart enough to be talking about politics" button?

   Note to self: you never read these notes so stop writing them.

   Showing your love used to be buying them flowers or writing a poem. Now it's just looking at them for 5 minutes without checking your phone.

   I've never understood the big deal some people make when they clean house and say "you can eat off the floor"...on any given day, there's enough food on my floor to feed a small family...

   Want to hate any song in less than ten seconds? Just set it as your alarm for 5:30 in the morning.

   Put your GPS on full volume for your daily commute if you want to know what marriage is like.

   I hate making phone calls so much I'd probably skip my one and just stay in jail.

   Apparently this couple in the park holding hands were not trying to start a pick up game of Red Rover