fadolo Funny Status Messages

   Got high and let my dog drive us up to Taco Bell. Now he's argueing with the officer that the traffic light wasn't red but gray.

   It takes a smoke detector 4 months to stop beeping if you were wondering how lazy I am.

   "that new iPhone $750? it better play dead if my girl touch it

   Oven = Xbox for women.

   People, put a dollar in the jar every time you masturbate. Trust me on this. {Sent from my yacht}

   The police showed up and used technical terms like "Stalker" and "PPO" when I thought I was leaving a "Love Note"

   When you see your girl out in public with another guy, one of yall 3 are supposed to die in that encounter.

   Real men sip that capri sun like its the last one left on earth

   When my ex left me I developed an Underground Railroad to sneak into her basement and watch Netflix

   My girl brought me breakfast in bed, I slowly turned to her and said, ?What are you doing out of the Kitchen??

   Women are like alarm clocks. They won't shut up until you hit them.

   These arrmy commercials always show video game stuff they don't show dudes tryna eat a pizza with no hands when they get back

   Me: How much for a wank? Prostitut: $15 Me: Thanks. I don't want one, I just wanted to know how much I was saving every night

   In the business world, the rearview mirror is always clearer than the windshield.

   I don't hold grudges but my ignore game is beast mode

   Smoke your dirty weed nobody cares just stop trying to justify it to people who don't smoke

   A nutsack is a guy's Christmas Ornament from God.

   God put a woman in the bible and sheruined the whole book in the first chapter

   Man if I don't get my ex back today thisis the 742nd last straw!

   Gas so high in Brockton that it hasn't been a drive-by in 2 months.”