Marshall the great Funny Status Messages

   Facebook-stalking my future ex-girlfriend.

   We have so much in common. You want to travel . . . I want you to go . . .

   I'm doing what I've always done... Learning from the mistakes of others who take my advice.

   I would spend more time outside, but it's not as hi-def as my TV.

   If I keep procrastinating like this, I'm going to end up back in yesterday.

   You can either be part of the problem or part of the solution, but in the end, being part of the problem is much more fun.

   The A/C in my office isn't working and has now officially become an employee.

   The future is that time when you'll wish you'd done what you aren't doing now.

   Got an awesome watch for my birthday. It was waterproof, shockproof, fireproof, bulletproof, acidproof, childproof & scratchproof. I lost it.

   I took this personality test on the internet, and it said... "Describe yourself in one word." I answered, "Not good at following instructions."

   Facebook is like a college dormitory. No matter the hour, there's always someone up. Also, someone is drunk.

   I've been poor and happy and now I'm ready to be rich and miserable. Gimme!

   This girl I know is thinking about havin beer pong at her reception... that's walking a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever.

   Study shows women are less likely to keep their cars clean. Yeah, because they don't need a clean car to get laid.

   Money can't buy happiness, but it sure makes misery easier to live with.

   Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person.

   Complain: To explain your pain for no gain.

   Of course I'm out of my mind. It's dark and scary in there.

   "Show me a sane man, and I will cure him for you."

   Facebook has revealed that there are many, many people just like me and now I know why the world is screwed.