GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   A moment of silence for all the friends I've lost on social media because of the stuff I post.

   My ex told me: You'll never find anyone like me. I said: That's the goal.

   My wife is blaming me for ruining her birthday. It's ridiculous because I didn't even know it was her birthday.

   I bet giraffes don't even know what farts smell like.

   If there is no sound in space, is a fart on earth louder than a supernova?

   Today's advice: sing Christmas songs at work until they send you home.

   I'm not a magician. But I once turned a back rub into a kid and a mortgage.

   I don't know who needs to hear this. But just because it is on sale doesn't mean you have to buy it.

   Someone stole my identity... And then sent it back with $100 and a note that said, "So sorry man. Hope things work out".

   To all the people that couldn't stand me this year, just letting you know next year is going to be even worse.

   This Christmas instead of gifts I'm giving everyone my opinion. Get excited!

   Thanksgiving is just around the corner. Don't forget to set your scales back 10 pounds.

   Black Friday special!!! Stay at home and save 100%.

   First rule of family gatherings, always bring your own vehicle so you can leave when you want.

   If I truly posted what was on my mind, I'd most likely be in a psychiatric hospital right now.

   I really think it's time to take the warning labels off everything and let stupidity work itself out of the gene pool.