sully Funny Status Messages

   Shorter Obama: "if you go dumpster diving behind your insurance company and you find your old plan and they say you can keep it. Period!!

   Only thing Obama tried to fix today was the 2014 elections.....

   Rob Ford is slowly becoming one of the greatest Canadians of all time....

   Drunk driving, sniffing cocaine, smoking crack, eating p ussy, drinking on the job, rendezvous with prostitutes...All in a days work for Toronto's mayor!!

   Twas the morning before Christmas & all across Facebook, friends awake, houses aglitter. Coffee in hand pondering this day & the things that matter.....

   BREAKING: NY Jets trade Kellen Winslow for Pee Wee Herman...

   In honor of MLK: I'm going to wash my whites and colors together today.....

   Monday I drank a Shirley Temple to mourn her, today I'm going to eat a Caesar salad to mourn Sid, tomorrow I'm having a Bieber burger & crossing my fingers....

   In honor of Presidents Day, I'm making HUGE promises to everyone that I have no intention of keeping...

   Those little Girl Scout devils got me again. It never fails...

   BREAKING: Jimmie Johnson just won the 2013 Daytona 500....

   In case anyone was wondering.....I'm wearing Hanes by Target, and a black t-shirt by BC Cotton (with a bacon grease stain on it) #redcarpet

   And the Oscar goes to Cheek implants and Botox...

   Russia and China are now allies, Iran and North Korea are building nukes and Obama is our Commander In Chief? Hmmmm....Where toast!!

   Too bad Waldo wasn't on that missing Malaysian airliner, someone would have found it by now......

   Maybe that missing plane is wherever our lost socks are??

   Names of missing plane's pilots announced: Wer Ar Wi and No Wan No....

   Get Dora and Boots on this missing plane case now....THEY KNOW MAPS!!!!

   Anyone else find it slightly suspicious that a massive plane's gone missing over the same ocean that Bin Laden's floating in.....?

   What are the chances that someone on that missing plane has a volleyball?