StonerDudee Funny Status Messages

   I hate when people pour my cereal. They don't know how much I want. They don't know my life. They don't know what I've been through!

   My woman could never work at a fast food place. They make milkshakes there, and milkshakes bring the boys to the yard.

   I'm tired of the government reading all of my stats but never liking any of them </3

   I'm tired of the government reading all of my statuses but never liking any of them

   Job applications are stupid. "Why do you want to work for us?" Oh, I've always had a passion for frozen yogurt.....b*tch I'm broke!!

   No matter how much I try and buy supermarket conveyor belt dividers, the cashier keeps on putting them back!

   Every time I do laundry I throw one sock in the garbage, because I lose sh*t on my own terms.

   There's a bald spot in my yard so I'm gonna let the grass around it grow really long and then do a comb-over.

   If you live to be 100, you should make up some fake reason why, just to f*ck with people... Like you ate a pinecone every single day

   We had a power outage last week and my PC, TV and games console shut down immediately, so I had to talk to my family for a few hours. They seem like nice people.

   I thought this Mexican Restaurant was closed because only 1 car was in the parking lot, but it was completely packed inside!

   All Jay-Z's problems have been undone by his brother, Ctrl-Z.

   Saw my ex girlfriend working at Subway today. She had to make me a sandwich! :-)

   If you’ve gauged huge holes in your ears and don’t keep Oreo cookies in them for snacks then what the hell’s the point man?

   For all the taxes they take out of my paycheck, the least they could do is send me a picture of the ghetto family I'm supporting!

   Its all fun and games until someone drinks the beer with the cigarette butts in it..

   Everyone suffering from diseases and natural disasters: hang in there, we're liking Facebook posts as fast as we can.

   McDonald's Management Rule #23: "The employee with the most severe accent or speech impediment must work the drive-thru at all times."

   Being a slut won't solve your problems, it might solve mine, but it won't solve yours.

   I heard it's pretty hard to get a medical marijuana card. I'll be right back, I'm gonna go jump off my roof!