father OR dad Funny Status Messages

   Father inlaw: A priest who is also a lawyer.

   There's a Father Nature, too, but all he's responsible for is the temperature.

   Thanks to synonyms, "Forgive me Father for I have sinned," and "Sorry Daddy, I've been naughty," both mean the same thing.

   your first Baby's father doesnt count. that was just checking if you can have kids

   I was talking to the local kids last night, telling them they are ruining what our fore father's created. One kid said, "my mom sleeps around but I ain't got four fathers!". I shook my head and got his mom's number.

   [Getting home from fishing trip] MOM: Catch anything? ME: No, but a bear did MOM: Where’s your father?

   Am sorry I asked you 'Who is the father' when you told me your wife is pregnant.

   Nothing makes me feel like a founding father like still remembering how to write in cursive.

   By the time my father was my age he had amassed, like, 30 coffee cans full of screws. I have none. What have I done with my life?

   * A cheap father told his little son that is nightlight only made it easier for the monsters to find him.

   My father always said The sky's the limit! Which now that I think about it might be why he lost his job at NASA?

   When I see how my boys have loaded the dishwasher I think, “Maybe their father is my cousin.”

   I would like to nominate my husband for Father of the Year for having the innovation to rename Tomato Soup to Ketchup Soup, thereby getting our kids to actually eat it.

   Feels like the whole country is on Maury waiting to find out who’s the father.

   Before I get drunk, I wanna wish everyone a happy father's day.

   As a kid my father used to hit me with his camera. I still get flashbacks

   $1400.00 per child? Hold up Maury, I just might be the father after all.

   All I’m saying is what kind of father would encourage a wayward son to carry on?

   I'm not sure who needs to hear this but Walmart sells Father's Day cards in packs of five.

   A School held a contest for 6th grade kids. the theme of the contest was, 'The Nicest Thing My Father Did For Me'.... The Winning kid said, "not wearing a condom...