Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

   It's Valentine's Day... If you arer married, go and kiss your wife or husband, if you have a girlfriend/boyfriend, do the same... and if you are single, kiss the ground and thank GOD!!! =)) HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

   I overheard my girlfriend on the phone to her bff saying she wants to get engaged on Valentine’s Day. I hope she finds someone nice.

   Guys, for Valentine's Day leave 3 notes scattered around your house for your girlfriend that say "Will", "you", and "me." That'll keep her busy while you watch sports.

   Thank you, flowers, for being the perfect way to say, "My love for you is beautiful but will die very soon."

   My girlfriend wanted me to come shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn't have sex.

   It would be really funny if the GPS changed voices depending on what part of town you are in. YOOO Man, Yawll enturrin da ghetto! teerrrn leffft and' hit up tha likor store beeotch! Nah Nah Nah Nah Yawll misst da teeern. You are reallly dumm. Fur reel.

   It would be great if there was an app that deletes your phone number from other people's phones.

   There’s nothing more annoying than having a song stuck in your head that you don’t know all the words to.

   Don’t you hate it when you type in your username and password without looking at the screen, then after you press enter, you realize the cursor is not even on the login screen?

   Does anyone else feel more sorry for the dog with the homeless guy than the guy himself?

   You send me endless invites to play games here on Facebook but didn't send me an invite to your party...

   I have auto-correct for my voice. It's called my girlfriend.

   I'm not sure what I hate most about rain. The fact that it's cold, it's wet, or it instantly turns everyone else on the road but you into a bad driver.

   When I won the Lotto, I decided to share it with my ex. "I won the Lotto, you Slut," I shouted over the phone.

   I remember a day when actions used to speak louder than words. Then along came Facebook.

   When I die, I'm going to have a music player built into my headstone. Just so people can dance on my grave.

   The lottery gives you a 1 in 200 million chance you won't go to work tomorrow. Alcohol gives you 1 in 5.

   I’m the type of person who looks at the menu for five minutes but ends up ordering the same exact thing every time.

   I want to tell my coworker I have strong feelings for her, but I'm afraid things might get weird if she knows I hate her.

   I'm all out of damns to give, and only have a few flying f*cks left... but I'm saving those for a special occasion.