Marshall The Great Funny Status Messages

   Billion Dollar Idea: A condom that changes color when it comes in contact with an STD.

   Back in my day bathrooms were used for taking a sh*t, not as a photobooth!

   Well that was a weird phone call. Who in the hell calls people at random and makes farting noises, laughs then hangs up? Wait a minute, I think I used to do that years ago ... maybe not so weird after all.

   Adorable when people think that I’d care enough to hate them.

   Are you one of those people that get butt hurt from things posted on Facebook? You can easily avoid that by keeping your ass off of Facebook.

   A slut's prayer: As I lay down with this creep, I pray he sticks it in real deep, If he comes before I do, I'll have to do his best friend too.

   I have come to the conclusion that Facebook needs to add an option called "People You Don't Want To Know"

   Sometimes I like to go to the dealership, slip into a pair of smart cars and roller skate around the parking lot for three hours.

   I'm not saying it's cold out or anything, But I had to put vodka in my juice this morning on the way to work to keep it from freezing.

   You can tell a lot about a woman by the way she walks. .. If she sways her hips from side to side she's good in bed. .. If she takes small steps she's unadventurous. .. If she's tiptoeing away from you shes got your credit card.

   My mother told me: "alcohol is your worst enemy." Jesus said: "love your enemy." Case closed.

   Logic of an ex girlfriend: You where sh*t in bed anyway So why sleep with me for 3 years then?

   Women just want to be loved and valued for who they really are on the inside, not just for their physical beauty... Claws and all.

   God promised man he could find beautiful women who were good honest wives in all corners of the world then he made the world round and laughed and laughed and laughed.

   My GF just walked straight past me in Walmart without seeing me! Maybe I should put a 50% off sticker on my chest..

   If you see me drinking coffee from a to-go cup in public after 3 pm, that coffee is booze in disguise.

   Don't pay Facebook $2 to 'promote' your latest status. Simply send me half that amount, and I'll repeat it to all my friends in real life. For an extra 50c, I'll throw in a funny face when I say it.

   Does this joke format make MY ASS look big?

   A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke...

   Coming home drunk knocking things over and telling them to''shhhh!''