GaryKoenig Funny Status Messages

   I've been on Facebook for 16 years. I remember when this was all farmland.

   Post the four words every girl wants whispered in her ear.

   Stop trying to please people who don't like you and embrace the joy of being the most annoying person they've ever met.

   People who worry about what kind of planet we're leaving for our kids might want to consider what kind of kids we're leaving for our planet.

   It's amazing how Facebook can spot a fake post but can't spot a fake profile.

   I swear all I do is work, come home, blink, and then I'm back at work again.

   I hate it when I'm singing a song and the artist gets the words wrong.

   I bet aliens ride past earth and lock their doors.

   If I blocked you on social media and you see me in the streets, the block still applies in real life.

   A true friend is someone who knows how crazy you are and is still willing to be seen in public with you.

   If one door closes and another one opens, your house is haunted and you need to run.

   It's finally October! Which means all of the cobwebs and dust in my house just became Halloween decorations.

   There. Summer is over. Hope you're happy you pumpkin spice loving psychos.

   Why did God make Adam before Eve? To give Adam a chance to speak.

   I'm stepping down from my position as an adult. It turns out this isn't for me but I appreciate the opportunity.

   My boss asked me to write down two things I liked about my job. Apparently lunch time and quitting time are not the right answers.

   I told the bank manager that I wanted to open a joint account. He asked who with? I said, "The customer with the most money".

   If you unfriend me and then later decide to send me another friend request, there will be a $29.99 reconnection fee.

   Everybody's a little bit crazy... It's just that some of us aren't afraid to take it out for a walk in public.

   Don't buy plastic skeletons for Halloween. It's terrible for the environment. Locally sourced all natural skeletons are more environmentally friendly.