Marshall the Great Funny Status Messages

   Now that Fall is here, do you think all the teenage girls with duck-faces will fly South for the winter?

   I organized an office party at work today. It was a great laugh, until my boss unexpectedly walked in.

   I should do my own TV series........... Man vs Drink

   I'm beginning to think these 'bored housewives' I'm seeing in pop-up ads are lying. I've had several come to my house and not one of them would cook.

   Men and women react to pain in different ways. If a man is hurt he'll try hard to conceal it from his friends, and look to his woman for sympathy. If a woman is hurt she'll suffer in silence, and tell everyone.

   Picking up a tiny piece of paper off the carpet would probably only take me one second... But for some reason I'd rather vacuum over it 100 times, at different angles...

   Ironically it's the things people don't say that tell you everything you need to know.

   If you can't figure out where you stand with someone, it might be time to stop standing and start walking.

   We met for a reason, either you're a blessing or a lesson.

   I think Jerry Springer should moderate the next debate.

   Well, it's time to start being mean to all the kids in the neighborhood again. I usually net a years supply of toilet paper on Halloween night.

   I wonder if the Happy Birthday wishes I send out to my Facebook friends would mean the same to them if they knew that I was sitting on the toilet.

   You know when you are about to say something, but that little voice of reason prevents you from it? Explain this to me, people like you fascinate me.

   Had a most interesting conversation this weekend with Jet Li and Conan O'Brian during a private flight back from Morocco about how pathetic it is when average people get on Facebook & pretend that their lives are far more exciting than they actually are.

   dreamed I fell asleep at work and it freaked me out when I woke up there.

   No, my friend, you may not borrow a condom because the word borrow implies that you plan to return it.

   Umm, when someone posts that they're having a bad day, I don't think it's proper Facebook etiquette to "like" their status.

   wishes that I could afford to buy each and every one of you a very expensive gift. Of course, I wouldn't, but I wish I could afford to.

   I met a girl in the pub last night and we ended up back at my place. I didn't have a clue what I was getting myself into. So I politely asked her to shave it.

   A study has shown that 40% of men over 40 suffer erectile dysfunction. Looking at 40% of women over 40, I'm not surprised.